I met John Doleno in 6th grade, it would be a few years before I really remember meeting Oldie and a few more before we became friends. Until then all I knew about Oldie is what I saw, a big intimidating dude with a booming voice and what I heard from John which was that Oldie like to yell a lot and throw garbage cans. Through most of high school I hung out with John at school but I kept my distance the house. It would be years before I realized John probably deserved most of the yelling and maybe even the garbage can.
Later after my freshman year of college at a particularly challenging point in my life I reunited with John and really got to know Oldie for the first time. Much to my surprise, we became friends. We didn’t necessarily have much in common on the surface, I didn’t hunt or fish, never worked with my hands and never served my country or even my community and I can’t stand Coors Light but we found enough to make it work. Mostly I think I was his favorite of John’s friends at the time. That was probably because he thought I was least likely to get him arrested or killed and maybe, I might even be a good influence. I don’t know if I was ever actually a good influence on John, but I know Oldie was a good influence on me.
At a time in my life when I needed it most Oldie was there for me as a friend, a mentor and a father figure when I hadn’t yet figured out how to connect with my own father. He opened his home to me time and time again making sure I knew that wherever he was, I would always be welcome. I always had a seat at Oldie’s table, wherever it was. I didn’t grow up in a house where we even had guests let alone welcomed people as family. It was new to me, outside of my parents and grandparent Oldie’s house was the first that ever felt like home and that continued over the years no matter where he was.
Oldie was always there to listen, encourage and give advice he never judged or criticized. Over the years there would be times where years would pass without seeing each other, it never mattered, we always picked up where we left off.
He always found ways to be there when it mattered most. When I got married it was a small wedding, I had lots of friends and family that weren’t included. Oldie was the only person in my life who wasn’t at the wedding who called me that day, it meant the world to me then and it still does.
I learned many lessons from Oldie over the years. I think the most important is that family isn’t just about blood, it’s a choice, it’s who you decide to open your home and your heart to. My hope is that someday my daughter will have a friend who feels as welcome in our home as I always did in Oldies. And I learned that it’s worth it to open your home and your heart because you never know what kind of impact you might have on someone else’s life.
I will always be grateful for the impact Oldie had on my life and my heart goes out to the entire Doleno family and all the people Oldie chose to welcome into his life.